There has been a little confusion among my friends that have looked at my blog as to what exactly my blog title means. They are not sure how it related to what I am writing about. So for those of you that are confused this is the short answer.
For me the title is all about remaining true to what your dreams and goals are. Finding what it is you really want and finding a way to live that out in your everyday life so that you don’t have to constantly make compromises because of decisions you make about how to live. IE: jobs, relationships, finances, other people in your life, the country you live in etc etc etc.
I have found in the short time I have had this blog that it has served me well in keeping me focused on the things I want. What my goals are and how I want to live. I have to spend some serious time thinking about this as I write for the blog and think about how to translate my experience so the reader can understand them in relation to the theme here.
I hope this makes a little sense, it makes a lot of sense to me and I am very glad for the chance to do this even if no one really takes me seriously and even if hardly anyone ever reads my posts.
When faced with the choice to change or to remain true to yourself you will have to decide or die a little inside. I created a situation between friends of mine recently when I made a from my heart comment to one and the other party objected violently to the comment and I had to decide in that moment if I would recant or remain true to how I felt.
Here is the funny part. In times past the decision would have been tough and i probably would have recanted the comment just to keep peace. This time I didn’t. It felt great! I remained true and it felt great because I think I was grounded in my position and comfortable with me so I stood my ground with a smile while the other person that was offended absolutely exploded. In fact he was so far disjointed that I heard he later even hit a computer monitor and broke it and cut his hand. Hummmmmm, did he hurt me with is offended words or with his outburst… nope, not even a little. I just laughed inside and didn’t even respond to his ignorance.
That felt good. It was a sort of passage for me. Like I said in times past I probably would have backed down but it was a loving comment and i meant it and he knew it. So for me that was and is the end. I feel good for me and bad for him. The End.
On the flip side of a post I wrote back on July 9th there are things that seem bad that happen to a person that on the surface seem bad but in truth are the universes way of saying “nope, that is not the right way, let’s go down this path”. It is almost cliche the story of one that was flying high in some fashion and then was knocked down only to ultimately struggle their way back to a better place and then say in retrospect that it was the best thing that has ever happened to them and it got them on a path that was much more in alignment with where they needed to be going.
Many of my readers (as if I had many readers) may not know that a few years ago this sort of thing happened to me. I was in the highest paying job that I had ever had and was well respected in my field and in the company that I was running. The employees adored me and the owners and I were good friends. Every thing was going well then all the sudden there were some nasty rumors that could not be proven either way and i was out. Out in a matter of minutes from a job I loved and from a water mark salary. Finished.
Without going into a lot of detail I can tell you for sure that this was in fact the universes way of saying, “I have been trying to say this was not the right place for you and you didn’t listen so here we go”. It was devastating at the time and to this day there is a pain in my heart when it comes to mind even after years of time have passed but I also can say assuredly that without that incident or one like it, I would still be trapped and not nearly as close to my dream as I am today.
So you see, we often need the perspective of hind sight to know if a situation is really good or bad from the point of view of following who we really are and what we really want. Be careful of premature judgment
Most of you that know me at all know about my love Sarah. She and I have been together for several years now and I have found that she is one of the most profound examples of a way for me to stay on track that I know. There are a couple more but this post is about her.
She will often remind me when I have sidetracked that I may want to look at this or that situation to make sure it is in alignment with my goals. Apparently she is very concerned that I reach my goals and that makes me very happy. Besides making me happy Sarah’s vigilance serves me as a type of coach that nudges me from time to time in my “right” direction. The direction that I have decided is for me. She doesn’t judge but looks at a situation and she can see how it will or won’t lead me where I want to go and makes those perfectly timed comments that serves as a kind of guide when I have forgot to watch the road.
Just want to say publicly that I appreciate what you do for me dear and have added another reason to the long list of reasons I love you. Now let’s bring this down to where anyone can use the type of relationship I have with Sarah.
Think of who in your life already does this for you and foster that relationship. Even go so far as to say you appreciate it and you can give approval for more. If you find there is no one, then seek someone out. Who do you look up to or who in your eyes is wise and mature enough to share your goals and desires with without ridicule or judgment. Then go to that person and seek to develop a deeper relationship where they can be more involved in your life to act as a compass and beacon toward your current destination.
This is one of those things that makes me want to go hummmmmm. There have been times when from anyone’s perspective including mine, something good happens and because of that “good thing”, I totally lose my focus on my life and purpose. Let’s make up a situation that could distract me from where I intend to go.
Let’s say I get a promotion for starters. Now anyone who knows me will know that I have no intention of making a lifetime job out of my employment and I have dreams of being independent of location some day but the promotion brings with it new responsibility and new tasks and new learning that is very exciting at least for the moment. Lots of accolades from my friends in and out of work and my family. I start getting a little puffed up with myself and the great job I have done. My insecurites start kicking in making me feel like I need to do an even better job because the spot light is on me and I can’t fail now. That translates in to more of my time and my energy focused on the work and that time and energy comes from somewhere. See? See how that happened. What we all called a good thing has now caused me to totally take my focus of MY goals and My plans and onto something that totally takes me into another direction.
Moral of the story is I have to guard my mind and myself in every situation and ask: does this serve MY purpose or someone else’s purpose? Where will it lead. What will the end result be? I think that many of you who have taken the time to find your purpose in life or even if you kinda know the direction can see this happening for you too. There are and thousand and one ways it can happen not just the job but jobs and spouses and kids and family all are easy culprits of this sort of thing. Be on guard for your dreams cause I promise you your boss / spouse / kids / family / the economy / politics / the weather is not.
I have found that DRAMA is the number one tool used in my life to distract me from what is important and from what I really want to do and say and be. I didn’t used to be so dramatic but I got involved with some dramatic people and it seems to rub off. Now I catch myself reacting in more and more dramatic ways to situations a few years ago would not have created a reaction at least not a visible one.
I really abhor that in myself because it seems so immature of me. It seems to me that in those moments when I under the influence of emotion that I have lost control of myself and given it over to something else. I don’t like that and that is what this blog is meant to help me address.
What can I do to try to help myself in this situation? I can try to catch myself when it is happening. I can look for patterns when I do lose control and try to both avoid them and to be better prepared for the eventual happening. I can ask for gentle reminders from friends and family but usually when I am being emotional I won;t listen to logic from others and that is because my mind has abandoned logic in the first place.
This is an ongoing trial but one that I am sure being more conscious of will cause me to react better to. Until next time stay in control and take a chill pill. I just got my perscription filled.
Wow, all I have thought about is this blog today and yesterday at work. I told some of my co-workers about it and they rushed over to there computers and took a look. Everybody seemed to be very impressed that I could get such a professional looking blog up so soon. I even had Jessica ask if I could set one up for her and several people said they wanted to too. I hope this might turn into a kind of movement sort of thing if you will so we can all find a kind of catharisus in writing and we can share more deeply because of it.
So, so far the blog has served the purpose of keeping my focused on being more consious in ways that I never dreamed and are quite a surprise. Just by thinking about it I have stayed on point for most of the day.
On a housekeeping note, I did have one person say that they thought I should change the theme to something more simple. If anyone cares to comment and give me your feedback on this I would really appreciate it to find out what my readers (all 2 of them besides mom) would like to see. Ok, that is enough for now. Be back later with more insite in staying consious journey by journaling online.
Finding meaning in the most mundane tasks can be a very freeing experience. I have found that when I know that I am working on the direction that I want to go and being true to the person that I know I am I can find pleasure, yes true pleasure in the most plane things that I do in my daily life. I can be washing clothes or worse yet sorting or spoting them and I can be happy.
Not about sorting clothes but that i am participating in a life that I have designed and that I am making come to pass. Staying in the moment will greatly contribute to the moment of pleasure too. I think it is what the mediators of the world speak of when they talk about being in the moment. It is where the Buddah’s smile comes from when he is just setting and has been for a long time. Just being can make you happy and just doing whatever can also make you happy if you are present in that moment.
That is where the contentment comes from. So here I am sorting laundry and spotting clothes when I would rather be on the beach somewhere beautiful and yet I am happy. That makes me happy.
Yesterday as I decided to finally start writting this blog and start this project that I have been contemplating for so long it became apparant that the world or nature or life or whatever was trying to keep me from getting started. Everything that could happen to stop me from getting it set up seemed to be working against me. First there was the problems with the kids, then it was the car or more accurately my wife locking her keys in the car. Then we had some bills to pay and there was trouble with the electronic transfer. Finally as I sat down to figure out how to setup wordpress my computer started acting up.
Well, finally got it all set up. I never knew setting up a wordpress blog was so much trouble. I spent most of the evening last night doing it and I decided to make this posting before I went to work this morning just so I could get something on it. My persistance has paid off. The blog is up on my terms and we are off. Hello world, I am doing this no matter what so you might as well get out of the way. Now I am going to take a nap and write more later besides I have to go to work in about two hours. I’m tired from being a super hero and feeling a little beat down.